whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
