I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
