This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They took my balls.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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