And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
