im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We need a shit load of segways right now
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
