didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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