I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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