I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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