I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
