similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
