I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
