I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
