I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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