saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
