hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
