if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
