my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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