I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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