I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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