the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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