I feel great
I just peed on a car
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
