i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
