Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
