pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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