i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
