so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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