i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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