He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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