Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
