I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
