In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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