Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
