I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
