It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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