I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
