He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
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we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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