New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
bring money and cleavage
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
