You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
