just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
