your thong is hanging out like whoa
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
