Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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