that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
