I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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