If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
