Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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