i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize