I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
