Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.

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  (313): I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere. http://tfl.nu/eett
  Replies (40) Good night (956) Bad night (12049)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women

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  (614): Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once? (410): Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women http://tfl.nu/hhx6
  Replies (11) Good night (3384) Bad night (835)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.

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  (204): I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis. http://tfl.nu/t0tt
  Replies (3) Good night (3312) Bad night (958)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.

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  (905): He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later. http://tfl.nu/c4t5
  Replies (25) Good night (6314) Bad night (1034)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?

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  (401): you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react? http://tfl.nu/0set
  Replies (4) Good night (2516) Bad night (1426)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".

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  (250): you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday". http://tfl.nu/bzic
  Replies (8) Good night (7180) Bad night (947)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?

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  (574): its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you? http://tfl.nu/7h5q
  Replies (4) Good night (883) Bad night (1856)
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  (831): View more from California

  i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something

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  (831): i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something http://tfl.nu/b053
  Replies (10) Good night (1612) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.

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  (386): Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here. http://tfl.nu/vy2d
  Replies (6) Good night (1959) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.

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  (502): You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1. http://tfl.nu/n49y
  Replies (1) Good night (1024) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.

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  (646): If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more. http://tfl.nu/8b5s
  Replies (8) Good night (1050) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.

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  (678): She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing. http://tfl.nu/lgbm
  Replies (4) Good night (1190) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.

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  (772): I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty. http://tfl.nu/zh78
  Replies (3) Good night (817) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.

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  (303): They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar. http://tfl.nu/u9wl
  Replies (2) Good night (302) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!

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  (519): Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night! http://tfl.nu/q7p9
  Replies (1) Good night (545) Bad night (278)

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