Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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