'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?