I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote