Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

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(978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj

Replies (32) Good night (13382) Bad night (1035)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.

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(215): I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk. http://tfl.nu/289e

Replies (12) Good night (4863) Bad night (1232)
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(937): View more from Ohio

I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.

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(937): I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad. http://tfl.nu/m8mw

Replies (13) Good night (5422) Bad night (947)
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(408): View more from California

Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.

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(408): Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something. http://tfl.nu/it4y

Replies (15) Good night (2798) Bad night (1173)
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(281): View more from Texas

Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.

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(281): Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute. http://tfl.nu/xxsd

Replies (12) Good night (3733) Bad night (960)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles

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(651): The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles http://tfl.nu/ulwd

Replies (8) Good night (3352) Bad night (843)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.

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(662): She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list. http://tfl.nu/gj4y

Replies (21) Good night (3446) Bad night (1081)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language

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(763): It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language http://tfl.nu/6vub

Replies (4) Good night (1998) Bad night (1349)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.

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(610): pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco. http://tfl.nu/n13q

Replies (12) Good night (2315) Bad night (560)
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(518): View more from New York

Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.

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(518): Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk. http://tfl.nu/lrcf

Replies (4) Good night (1229) Bad night (659)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.

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(862): Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued. http://tfl.nu/kpbb

Replies (2) Good night (527) Bad night (622)
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(818): View more from California

Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick

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(818): Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick http://tfl.nu/tc3y

Replies (0) Good night (873) Bad night (331)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...

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(785): Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit... http://tfl.nu/w51i

Replies (0) Good night (522) Bad night (321)
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(571): View more from Virginia

I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.

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(571): I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me. http://tfl.nu/vbgb

Replies (2) Good night (763) Bad night (334)
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(770): View more from Georgia

i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?

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(770): i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today? http://tfl.nu/3ln3

Replies (2) Good night (467) Bad night (287)

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