I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize