In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
