Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
