He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
