I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
