If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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