He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
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His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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