if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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