I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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