i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she pinky promised me she was 18
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
