Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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