I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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