omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
