I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
