I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
