Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
