Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
