watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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