you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it because I queefed?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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