i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
